Monday, November 16, 2015

Vive la France, and Hollande for Presdient

Bon jour.
Apres les attacks a Paris, j'ai decide a apprendre le French.  J'ai ordered une course online pour a few bucks and will commencer ce soir.  Je will keep you posted about ma progres.

Je feel off to un bon start.  Et ce soir  et Lundi- le jour when un petit restaurrant francias I know of serves un page de "Mastering the Art of French Cooking,"  le levre de la great Julia Child.   Cette seems like une bonne idee a moi.  If je go there chaquce Monday je will never have to cook through the book myself.  Cette would require annees de dedication.  Mais Desperate est nothing if not dedicated, non?

Monday, November 02, 2015

All Souls' Day

All Souls' Day can come off as the ugly stepsister of All Saints' Day.  All Saints' Day:  there's that great Litany of the Saints, kids dress up, maybe score some extra Halloween candy, - it's a Party Day!

All Souls' Day:  you contemplate the Four Last Things, and not one of them is Tootsie Rolls.  You think of all the dead people you know. You probably hear mournful chant running through your head all day.  And for real excitement,  someone suggests a visit to a graveyard.  It is Not a Party Day.

I probably haven't mentioned this before but I have a real devotion to the souls in Purgatory.  I say the Prayer for the Dead twice a day (luckily it's a short prayer, otherwise those Holy Souls would probably get short shrift from me), and I offer up two specific things  year 'round for their souls.  Two things I hate doing:  pumping gas, and blow-drying my hair.

Oh, and visits to the dentist.  I cannot tell you how much I hate going to the dentist.  I figure I've cleared Purgatory a couple of times now.

I mean, I have to fill the gas tank.  I have to dry my hair.  And I want to keep my teeth.  I hate, hate, hate doing the tasks those goals require, so I might as well put them to good use, right?

And it's all for a good cause.  Souls that are freed from purgatory are grateful souls.  They will be your friends forever.  And face it, you need all friends you can get.

At least I do.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Saturday Rally #DefundPlannedParenthood

Twitter followers- you can see some of  the pics I took at the #DefundPlannedParenthood rally in St Paul yesterday.  Right outside the brand spankin' new and absolutely enormous PP facility in St Paul.  About 4,500 people showed up.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Real Estate Thoughts

My house has been on the market for a couple of months now.  We've all been there, right?  And we all love it, right?

 So let's start a conversation:  What is your favorite part of this experience?

Is it the constant inconvenience of people saying they have to see the house "right now" and then don't show up for days?

Is it the "Customer comments?"  Fave so far:  how dare you people have the nerve to (fill in the blank).

Or is it when the realtor text you about some dire situation that needs your immediate attention, and the "situation" turns out to be a dandelion on the front lawn?

One thing the experience has taught me is no one should ever own furniture.  Over the years I've collected some really cool antique pieces-- a 19th-century Chinese opium bed, an 18th century American tavern table.  Did I go to some fancy antiques dealer and pay top price?  Please.  I got them at estate sales.  You know, you get up at 5 am on Saturday and drive to some unknown address and hope for the best when you get there.  Usually a vast waste of time, but once in a blue moon, you get lucky, and come home lugging something nifty.

Then the day comes when you have to sell your house.  And the realtor takes a look at your living room and announces your furniture is cr*p.  Then he calls in a "stager" who ditches all your hard-won things and fills the house with mass-produced stuff from HomeGoods with the tags still on.

Lesson learned:  do not buy furniture.  You're only going to have to store it anyway.

I'm sure I'll have more advice for you home sellers as time goes by.  Watch this space. You might learn something valuable!

Monday, August 10, 2015

Tee Shirt Thoughts

The tee shirt is much on my mind these days.

I have a pretty nifty tee shirt I ordered on the internet.  It's a navy blue v-neck that reads, in the classic "Keep Calm" typeface, "KEEP CALM AND SAY A HAIL MARY."  Which is excellent advice in any situation.

Last week I wore my shirt while strolling along the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore.  I must have gotten a dozen comments- all positive.  They ranged from "Love your shirt!'  to "Where can I get one??"

Yeah.  I'm all about the New Evangelization.

After the first few comments even the spouse wanted a KCASAHM shirt.  So yeasterday i went online and shopped for one.

Now for the stunning coincidence:  This morning my sidebar ads are for tee shirts.  All, of course, obscene.  Complete with pictures.

I don't know who's playing games over at Amazon but I'm pretty sure they can't be of legal age to have a job.  To say nothing of the IQ it takes to fill out an application.

But now I have a new tee shirt idea. 

Here it is:  Print up shirts that read "MARGARET SANGER WAS RIGHT."  See who buys them.  See who wears them.

Then send them to Baltimore, and see how long they last.

Hm.  Probably a little rough.  Okay, sell them on college campuses.  I'd be sure to make a fortune.  Then watch  parents storm the bursars' offices and demand their tuition money back, on the grounds that even after shelling out 65K a year their kid is clearly an ignoramus.

This could be fun.  Any investors out there?

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Now I Know How Lady Macbeth Felt

Advice to the home chef:

When working with jalapeno peppers, wear latex gloves. 

Alternatively, be prepared not to touch you hands to any part of your body for the next six weeks.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Terrorist Attack in France During Ramadan

The problem: (from today's WSJ)
PARIS—A U.S.-owned industrial gas factory in southeastern France was targeted in a suspected terror attack on Friday morning, French authorities said, noting the decapitated remains of one victim were found at the site of the assault.
Authorities found a decapitated body along with an inscription, French President Fran├žois Hollande told a news conference in Brussels. Two police officers said a severed head was also found at the site. The officers said the inscription was in Arabic.
The Interior Ministry said Yassine Salhi, 35, who had previously been under surveillance by French intelligence services and is believed to have links to an ultrafundamentalist strain of Islam, had been detained in connection with the attack.
Witnesses said they heard an explosion around 10 a.m. on Friday. Mr. Hollande said a vehicle drove into the plant with an intent to “provoke an explosion.” The president said the driver of the car might have been accompanied by someone else.
French police and firefighters gather at the entrance of the factory. ENLARGE
French police and firefighters gather at the entrance of the factory. Photo: Agence France-Presse/Getty Images
“The attack is terrorist in nature,” Mr. Hollande said, adding that two people were injured. “We must carry our values and never give in to fear.”

The solution: